Anybody who knows me knows that I can be pretty stubborn. If I really want to do something, like an itch that needs to be scratched, I will put my mind to it until I’ve done the thing. I’ll push and push and push until I finally get it.
But it goes the other way around, too. If I don’t want to do something, my mind is already made up; there is very little to no room for persuading me otherwise. Case closed. And since it’s me we’re talking about, most of that comes from fear.
For example, I hate heights. I’m not even 5’2, and I like to stay close to the ground. I’ve always hated Ferris wheels and the idea of bungee jumping, and I probably always will. I’m not going to lie, I do like roller coasters, but I think that’s different, because those kind of rides move so quickly that I barely realize how high off the ground I actually am. (Plus it’s a little adrenaline rush. I’m no junkie, but it feels good afterwards.) If I weren’t so afraid, you’d probably find me trying something more out of my comfort zone.
(And god knows how much I love my comfort zone.)
I would probably do more adventurous things than ride a Ferris wheel. Close to nothing freaks me out more than when those things stop spinning, and all you can feel is your seat swinging back and forth. Except for critters. Especially spiders.
I literally just shuddered thinking about them.
One thing I would definitely try if I wasn’t such a baby is travelling overseas by myself. I’ve always dreamed of going to Europe, and most people I know aren’t nearly as interested in going over there and doing the things I want to do, so I know the only way I’m getting there is alone. Not having that kind of cash is definitely the biggest reason why I haven’t went or planned anything yet, but also the idea of getting on a plane by myself is kind of scary to me. I wouldn’t know anyone, and I couldn’t just hop into a car and go home if I felt uncomfortable at all. I’d have to either deal with it or go home early, and I would never want to do the latter. Just like how I was when it came to driving, I’m going to have to get over that sometime soon.
Another thing I’d do is racecar driving. And yes, I know seeing those words probably seem absolutely insane, considering I’ve been afraid of driving regularly up until probably six months ago, but that’s an activity I would totally be down to try. I don’t think I would actually want to race with other cars, but I would definitely love to just get in one and go around a track as fast and as long as I possibly could. I bet that would feel so freeing.
If I wasn’t such a child, I would also like to try dating, believe it or not. I’m all about being an independent woman, but I’ve never even put myself out there to even try. I’m too young to be looking for a life partner right now, and hell I don’t really want one in my life at this time, but I think it would kind of be fun just to meet new people and maybe even make friends out of whatever guys I’d meet. I’m always open to making new friends, even if it doesn’t seem like it (because I’m always home). I think this one is the scariest idea for me, since I’m pretty hard to get to know. I’m not the kind of person that starts spewing things about myself to people, or tries to describe myself in a couple words.* I’m a closed book, I guess, because I wait until people ask to tell them things about myself. (Insert When He Sees Me from Waitress the Musical).
I would do a lot of things if I didn’t have all these fears, but I do, and that’s just a part of me. And I’m okay with that most of the time. Do I wish I had less fears and insecurities? Of course I do, but who doesn’t? Hopefully, just like driving, I will learn over time.
Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday, and thanks for reading this—whether or not you’re totally judging me.
*Sidenote: I’ve learned that online dating is not my thing. A, because you’re literally basing people off of looks, and B, because how the hell does a person describe oneself in a couple sentences??? Let me know.
Prompt: Name three things you’d do if you weren’t so afraid.