I Am A Rock

Both of my parents are very proud, stubborn people—as are most people in my family. If you were to ask anyone that knows me, they’d probably tell you that I’m more compliant than the rest. At least, I think they would, because I definitely think so.

Even though it doesn’t happen all too often, I can be stubborn when I want to.

To put it in simpler terms, I think I’m more flexible than others because I’m a people pleaser; I feel better when the people around me are in a happier state. I have always liked being the one to help others, and being the one everybody can count on.

But in the last couple of years, something shifted in me. I still like to help people, but I’ve been less than the people-pleaser I am known to be. I guess you can say I’ve become kind of a bitch.

I say “kind of” because I’m pretty sure I’m not a horrible person. I just can’t coddle everyone like I used to. It’s tiring, and nothing comes out of it…except for maybe my status as the Mom of the friend group. And I don’t really mind that position all that much, but sometimes Mom needs a minute to herself, you know? She can’t keep an eye on all of her kids at every moment and make sure everyone is doing fine at all times.

Also, the kids are growing up; why can’t they see that, and take care of themselves every once in a while?

I would rather I take care of myself than have a friend help me out; I do better that way. If I rely on myself, I don’t have to be disappointed in anyone except, well, me. Which I’m okay with. I get out of control when others disappoint me, because it comes a whole new thing on its own, where “I can’t trust anyone” and blah, blah, blah.

Whoever came up with the saying “If you want something done right, you got to do it yourself,” was a really smart person, and most likely a woman. I one hundred percent believe that quote to be true. If you want something a certain way, you have to do it on your own. In my opinion, if you ask anybody else, you are basically asking for something to go wrong.

Do you see where I’m coming from?

I’m not saying that you can only rely on yourself. I’m sure there’s a couple people out there that really get you, understand your ways, and can probably do things the way you’d like. It might just be that I have trust issues. I’m just saying that relying on myself is easier than putting that trust in somebody else. That’s a lot of work, and I think it’s been established by now that I’m lazy.

Prompt: Is it easy for you to ask people for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?

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A twenty-two year old who lives through words and her Netflix account. She makes herself laugh more than others, and she claims that she is okay with that.

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