Online Dating Apps

I figured something may have caught your eye on my last post. Yeah, I am on Tinder. Am I proud of it? Not really. Do I use it? Not really. It just kind of sits there, on my phone.

Sometimes, I just scroll through the guys and read their bios. Sometimes, I actually consider trying to match. But if I’m going to tell you the truth: nothing comes out of it, so I’m still not sure why I kept the app on my phone.

Why, you ask?

~Because I am horrible at holding a conversation~

My sister, Brianna, was the one who convinced me to get the app. She’s constantly saying things like, “you need to get yourself a boyfriend,” or “you need to leave the house,” so, while we were hanging out one night, I actually got it, and made myself a profile.

It’s nothing fancy.

It’s, like, the opposite of fancy.

I knew, while taking ten years to write my bio, that most people go on there if they’re only looking for a hookup. SO I don’t know why I was so surprised when the couple guys I talked to were very indiscreet about what they wanted.

And because I’m mentally fifteen years old, I freaked out, and unmatched with all three of those guys.

I never thought of myself as the kind of person who can go on dates with random people from online, so I’m still not sure why I haven’t deleted that app yet. It mostly just kind of sits there, taking up space.

Have you ever wondered what goes through a person’s head when they’re on apps like Tinder? Well, I’ll tell you what goes through mine:

Oh god oh god oh god why am I doing this right now you know you’re not going to actually talk to someone for more than five minutes you can’t deal with this right now you do actually have the time for this but let’s be real do you even want a boyfriend or even just someone to talk to don’t lie to yourself oh god we matched please don’t say anything please don’t say anything for the love of god please don’t say anything oh thank god he didn’t say anything I don’t think I could have handled that OH GOD HE WROTE SOMETHING

“Hey there.”

What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

“Hey, what’s up?”

Good one, Amanda.

“Just laying in bed, you?”

OH GOD NO. YOU ALREADY SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING.

“I’m watching tv.”

Oh, you’re horrible at this.

“Wanna come over?”

CALLED IT!

“No thanks.”

Unmatched.

Note: This is an actual conversation that has happened before.

I always thought if I were going to meet someone, it would be in person, probably at work or school or out at a bar. Never, in my wildest dreams, have I ever thought, “what if I meet someone online?”

Call me crazy, but I seriously think this whole online dating thing is weird. I don’t want to base a relationship off my phone; I can’t read your tone through a screen.

Have you seen Catfish? No, thank you!

I don’t even know why I’m thinking about Tinder right now. I should be thinking about something else, like school or work or what to get people for Christmas. I can’t be thinking about dating when I have more important stuff to worry about. I think my sister’s voice is just stuck in my head.

Yeah, that’s probably it.

Goddammit, Amanda. Pull your head out of your ass—it’s not a hat.

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