Let’s be real here: we all have insecurities. Even the cockiest, most narcissistic person you can possibly think of has at least one thing that they hate about themselves. It’s inevitable, it’s undeniable. It’s what makes us human.

We are not meant to be perfect. We are supposed to continuously want to make ourselves better. That’s just the way we operate.

When we look at strangers and passersby, we can’t help but judge.

Wow, that girl has a great sense of style!

That guy really needs a haircut.

That little boy has beautiful eyes.

Who let her walk out of the house looking like that?

We literally can’t help ourselves. But don’t think that you’re the only one looking; others are looking at you, and they’re judging you as well. No matter how hard you try, you are not safe from the thoughts of others.

But if I’m going to be honest, no one is going to criticize you like you will.

We are our own toughest critics, that’s for sure. We know what makes us tick, what parts of ourselves that we don’t necessarily like, or even hate altogether. We are insecure beings, hoping that we can someday embrace that ugly part of ourselves, and hoping that somebody else will love that part of us.

I can give you a list of things that I am insecure about, but I think one of the things I am most afraid of is people looking right through me. I’m as complicated as the next person, but I think that when people see a fat girl, that is all that they see.

And it’s not like I’m 160lbs and calling myself fat. In fact, 160lbs is closer to the average weight for grown females than you think it is. I am, by standard circumstances, actually fat.

I don’t hate this about myself anymore, but I used to. A lot. It’s still something I’m insecure about, but I’m not crying in the bathroom over it, like I did when I was a teenager. I have greater things to worry about.

But I honestly believe that when people see a fat girl, they overlook her, as if there is nothing else to her, except for her size. Or even worse, that people think the so-called fat girl is super emotional.

Which we can be, but we’re not soft cookies, fragile to the touch. We don’t break as easily as you think we do.

I am also afraid other people assume that fat people try to be funny to make up for being fat. We’re not. Personally, I try to be funny because I like funny people, and I like to laugh, so I try to attract those kind of people by trying to be funny myself.

That is all that there is to that.

I’m no sidekick, and I’m not here for your amusement. This is my story, and I’m the fucking heroine. Got it?

Despite my insecurities, I am more than the fat girl everyone loves to get a laugh out of. I’m smart, sometimes witty, and full of facts and stories to tell. So, for the person who would like to judge and put me in a little box, I have something to say to you:

I won’t fit.

Prompt: What are you afraid people see when they look at you?

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A twenty-two year old who lives through words and her Netflix account. She makes herself laugh more than others, and she claims that she is okay with that.

One thought on “Insecure

  1. Amanda, thank you for this important post. Although I agree that many people are insecure, I disagree that it is only normal to be insecure. A lot of people in this world have normalized things that were never intended to be. When I see people, I like to see the truth in them, their true abilities, strengths and weakness, I like to see them in their entirety. However, I find that many other people are simply interested in looking at people for the sake of judging their weight, appearance, how smart they are, how wealthy they seem, and other similar attributes. As a religious person, I can tell you that this act from us as people is far from God’s plan for us. God has instructed us to show favoritism to no one, and to love everyone, regardless of how they look. God created all people, and insulting someone is sometimes just as bad as insulting their maker. The nature of we humans just shows how backslidden and far from God that we are. Regardless of this, when we go to God, God has the power to fill us up with true love. He has the power to show you where your true value lies. He who created you, he knows all your strengths, weaknesses, values, abilities, and he is merciful enough to open your eyes to the truth about yourself. Prayers to God and faith in him are key to inviting his presence. Hold on tight to the father.

    If you are interested in knowing about God in more detail, you can find further information here And Here

    Stay strong sister 🙂 ❤


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