Insecure

Let’s be real here: we all have insecurities. Even the cockiest, most narcissistic person you can possibly think of has at least one thing that they hate about themselves. It’s inevitable, it’s undeniable. It’s what makes us human.

We are not meant to be perfect. We are supposed to continuously want to make ourselves better. That’s just the way we operate.

When we look at strangers and passersby, we can’t help but judge.

Wow, that girl has a great sense of style!

That guy really needs a haircut.

That little boy has beautiful eyes.

Who let her walk out of the house looking like that?

We literally can’t help ourselves. But don’t think that you’re the only one looking; others are looking at you, and they’re judging you as well. No matter how hard you try, you are not safe from the thoughts of others.

But if I’m going to be honest, no one is going to criticize you like you will.

We are our own toughest critics, that’s for sure. We know what makes us tick, what parts of ourselves that we don’t necessarily like, or even hate altogether. We are insecure beings, hoping that we can someday embrace that ugly part of ourselves, and hoping that somebody else will love that part of us.

I can give you a list of things that I am insecure about, but I think one of the things I am most afraid of is people looking right through me. I’m as complicated as the next person, but I think that when people see a fat girl, that is all that they see.

And it’s not like I’m 160lbs and calling myself fat. In fact, 160lbs is closer to the average weight for grown females than you think it is. I am, by standard circumstances, actually fat.

I don’t hate this about myself anymore, but I used to. A lot. It’s still something I’m insecure about, but I’m not crying in the bathroom over it, like I did when I was a teenager. I have greater things to worry about.

But I honestly believe that when people see a fat girl, they overlook her, as if there is nothing else to her, except for her size. Or even worse, that people think the so-called fat girl is super emotional.

Which we can be, but we’re not soft cookies, fragile to the touch. We don’t break as easily as you think we do.

I am also afraid other people assume that fat people try to be funny to make up for being fat. We’re not. Personally, I try to be funny because I like funny people, and I like to laugh, so I try to attract those kind of people by trying to be funny myself.

That is all that there is to that.

I’m no sidekick, and I’m not here for your amusement. This is my story, and I’m the fucking heroine. Got it?

Despite my insecurities, I am more than the fat girl everyone loves to get a laugh out of. I’m smart, sometimes witty, and full of facts and stories to tell. So, for the person who would like to judge and put me in a little box, I have something to say to you:

I won’t fit.


Prompt: What are you afraid people see when they look at you?

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