Due to recent circumstances, I haven’t really left my house in the last month or so of my life; I was in a really dark place. But in the last couple of days, I’ve come to see some light. I noticed that what I really need in my life right now is to be more productive, and not sit around so much.
I’ve done a lot of thinking about my mental state, and what has been making me so upset with my life. For one thing, I feel left behind. I feel like everyone in my life and around my age is doing something with themselves, and I’m just not. But you know what, I haven’t really done anything about it. I’ve thought about it, I’ve written about it, and yet, I’ve done nothing to get out of this slump. And I’m done with living this way, waiting for something to come to me.
Destiny just isn’t on my side, right now.
I would like to get the ball called Life rolling in my direction, so I can finally kick back. I know it’s not going to happen all at once, but I am okay with baby steps. Baby steps are better than no steps, right? All I really want out of life right now is a little purpose and a couple of bucks to keep my head above water.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about either getting a second job, or just applying for a full time job at CHS until I can start moving in on other dreams of mine, like finishing school and travelling. And, I’m not going to beat around the bush, paying off school loans wouldn’t hurt. I just have to set my mind to doing some things for myself right now, like walking again.
You might be a little confused by reading what I wrote: I want to walk more. Around my neighborhood, by the ocean, at a state park, it doesn’t matter. I should honestly be going to the gym, but, sadly, I basically need to have a car [and license] to do just that. (The gym I have a membership to isn’t within a walking distance from my house.)
I used to take my dog, Lady, for walks around the block often, but I don’t’ know if I can really do that anymore; mostly because she’s old, but also because she gets tired pretty quickly. So, now, I’d either be taking my other dog, Luna, or going solo—which I’m okay with, but I do get a little nervous after a certain time of night. Regardless, I have to make a habit out of walking again. I have to.
Actually, I just recently made a little pact (of sorts) with my friend, Amanda, to do more things around the island, because we usually just watch movies and talk about our lives and issues. We both already agreed to take a pottery class together (we have to find one), and go to Plastercraze (it’s a place where you paint and buy designed plaster pieces to take home), and I’ve started looking for other things to do. I want to try things I’ve never done before, and do things that I like to do but never get to, like mini golf, window shopping, and going to the movies. I’d basically do anything to get out of the house and be a normal human being, so if you have suggestions, let me know.
As you may know, I am pretty late to the driving game. I’ve had my permit since I was sixteen, and have yet to go for my license. But back in April, for my twenty-second birthday, my dad and Aunt Roxanne paid for a bunch of driving lessons, which I did…until none of us could afford it anymore. I’ve been practicing a lot lately, dropping Caitlyn and Heinrich off at my mom’s house every other night, taking the scenic route (basically around my neighborhood, because my parents literally live four blocks away from each other), and sometimes to Target or up the block, but I want to drive more. Farther. It’s as simple as that. I just really need to take my five-hour course and driving test pronto.
With the money and life situation I’m in, I don’t really get to go anywhere further than where my job is from my house (which is, like a twelve minute drive). I really want to change that. I’ve been saying that going to Europe has been my dream for years now, and I think after Christmas, that I’m going to seriously start saving up.
There’s a lot of the world I want to see, and I have really only ever seen Florida, and some of the Caribbean. I even just want to see different areas in the U.S., like Salem and Los Angeles (which, hopefully, I’ll be going to Salem the weekend before Halloween). I want to make these experiences happen, but there is a lot of money involved, so I’ve been very limited to my travelling distances. I really need to change that.
I was originally had paint down for this last one, but then I changed it to create last minute, and then edited this paragraph afterwards. I’m an artist, so I love to create in more than one way; I love to draw, paint, write, design, and dance. And, sadly, I don’t do a lot of those things as often as I’d like to anymore, so I would like to put away time to do those things again. You know, instead of binge watching shows on Netflix and playing Sudoku in my bed, like an old woman. I always loved making things growing up, and then getting to show off what I was proud of after the fact. I think now would be a good time to get back to that.
Prompt: Name five things you would like to do more of.