I’m not really sure how to start this off. I’ve never been all that good at writing letters, especially when I have a lot to say, but don’t know how to convey it all. But I’ll try my best.
First of all, when did you grow up? And who allowed you to do that? I know sure as hell that I didn’t. If you could be six years old again, that’d be great.
Second of all, I love our relationship. I never thought that our age difference would allow us to be as close as we are, but you are so much mature than anyone would expect, and you are definitely one of very few people that I feel like I can talk to for just about anything. And I’m really sorry to the rest of our siblings, but I think that it’s obvious that you’re my favorite. (Sorry, guys. I never meant for it to happen, it just kind of did.)
I don’t know when it started. When you were a baby, you were like another one of my dolls. I loved having a baby sister to dress and feed and play with. You were such a cute kid.
I’m really sorry that Brianna treated you the way she did most of your life; you didn’t deserve that. She just wanted a brother so badly, and I thought that when Heinrich was born, that her attitude would change. I’m sorry it took so long for that to happen. You guys would have gotten along, too, because you are much more alike than you realize.
I’m also sorry that you have to deal with something like alopecia—you especially didn’t deserve that. You are so much stronger than you realize, and I’m just so proud of the person you are. I’m sorry that you don’t want kids because of whatever chance they might have of getting alopecia, but I am also a little shocked of your reasoning. I always took you for someone who would fight as hard as they had to, for anything they wanted, because that’s the kind of person you always seemed to be.
You are so persistent, and you really push yourself to be the best version of yourself that you can be. You’ve set yourself a lot of goals, and I have yet to see you not achieve something you wanted. I admire those things most about you.
But I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself. If I’m going to be completely honest, I hate that you need the constant reminder of how beautiful you are, and how you need to be everybody’s favorite. I know that insecurity lies underneath those things, but at some point, I think you just have to be able to look at yourself, and realize how beautiful you really are, and that you can be your own favorite person. What other people think doesn’t really matter as much as you think it does.
I’m really sorry that you hate the nickname Caitie, and that everyone still calls you that, because they think it’s funny to not respect your wishes. People are fucking stupid, and some of them always will be—so you are going to need much more patience than you have. I wish people understood you better.
You do have your setbacks, like your outrageously annoying competitiveness and your even worse clinginess, but I think all the good things about you outweigh those things entirely. I never, ever, in your entire life, have seen you intentionally hurt anybody, and I think that says a lot about you. You have such a soft and pure heart, and I wish more people knew that. (But that one might be your fault, you put on a really good façade. Maybe you should be an actress.)
I like that you are hard on Heinrich…sometimes. I say that not because he’s sometimes an ass, but because he just really needs the push, and somebody’s got to do it. You’re closer to him than any of us, so he’ll listen to you. But also try to be nicer to him, because he’s the only little brother you’re ever going to have.
Also: I need you to listen to Mom more. You have to remember that even though you’re getting older, so is she. I get that her personality can be strong, but you have to be able to look past that, and see that she loves you, and just worries a lot. (Oh look, I’m back to that patience you lack. But don’t worry, I don’t think anyone in our family has that.)
I am so ridiculously proud of the person you are today. You have been a fighter for yourself, and even for strangers, for a very long time, and I think that more people in this world need to be more like you. I can see why so many people in school like you, even though I probably wouldn’t ever admit that to your face. I understand how much easier it is to show friends who you truly are.
Even though I am still in denial that you’ll be graduating high school in less than two years, I can’t wait to see where life takes you. I think there are great, big adventures in store for you. Take advantage of them.
Prompt: Do you have any siblings? For every sibling you have, write one letter to them per day. If you don’t have any siblings, write a letter to your parents about being an only child.