An Open Letter To My Best Frenemy

Hey Bri,

I bet you’re wondering why, of all things, I would call you my best frenemy. I think it’s pretty simple: you are always either my best friend, or my worst enemy. We’re sisters and so close in age, that we literally grew up together. We went through a lot of shit together, and we know way too much information about each other. There really isn’t much else to it.

Let me start off by saying I’m sorry. I have never tried to be a bad sister to you intentionally, but I know that I have made mistakes. Two of the biggest regrets of my life revolve around you. The first regret was outing you to Dad. The second was outing you to Mom. I remember both times like it was yesterday, and I wish I never told them at all.

If I’m going to be honest, I think the reason you treat me the way you do is because I outed you to our parents. If you ever actually see this letter, I want you to know that I never told them to spite you; both times were complete accidents, never meant to happen. I will probably never forgive myself for it. There is nothing in this world that could make up for that.

I understand why you didn’t want to tell me in the first place, back then.

I don’t know if you know this, but out of all the seven billion people in this world, no other person has given me more emotional baggage than you. You have always been an angry person, and I never understood why. When you came out to me, I thought that you were angry because you didn’t feel like you could be you when we were kids. But then you were still an angry person, and you still are an angry person now. I wish I could help you with that. I wish you would let me.

I wish you would open up to literally anybody, I don’t even care who it is at this point. I just want you to be a happier person.

I hate that when it’s just the two of us, we’re like best friends, constantly laughing and singing and joking around, and then when literally anybody else is around, you—for whatever random reason—treat me like shit, like I don’t matter. I don’t know if it’s because you want to show dominance, or you feel so insecure that you feel the need to make me feel even worse, or what, but it is literally the most annoying thing ever. I don’t understand it, and I hate it.

I wish you respected our family as much you do your friends. Our parents and Oma are getting older by the day, and you continue to do whatever you want, without ever considering consequences, or how they feel. I definitely question your mental process more than I should.

Despite what you may think, I think we had a good upbringing. Yeah, we weren’t perfect, neither were Mom nor Dad. I think being punished when we were wrong made me understand and respect rules. I’m not so sure about you. I think it made you want to rebel more. Which, in my defense, makes no sense whatsoever.

I do respect how you have made yourself into your own person. You’ve never followed anybody into doing anything; you were always  the “I’m going to do this because this is what I want” kind of person. I like that about you.

I also like that even though you’re terrible with words, you actually try to be considerate. Randomly buying new  chairs for the kitchen table in Oma’s house was one of the most unexpected and nicest things you have ever done. I wish I could afford to show gratitude that way.

Sometimes, I wish I was as courageous and as fearless as you. And I wouldn’t admit this to your face, but I’m jealous that you got your license and your own car before me. Dad totally called it when we were kids, and I wished that I proved him wrong.

Despite all the shit that we have been through, both on the same team and against each other, I still love you. In a way, I feel like I shouldn’t, and that I deserved a better sister, but I wasn’t even close to being a perfect sister, either. So I guess we deserve each other.

I can only hope that as we get older, our childish tendencies fade away. I can’t lie, we have a lot of good times now. Bonding time between the two of us have gotten better with age, and fights become far and few. I am extremely grateful for that. I think our past issues do arise every once in a while, but I do hope we can get past them, somehow.

If you ever see this, I would want you to know that I do actually love you, even though I literally never tell you. I would want you to know how proud I am of the person you’ve become, and the person you will be. I want our relationship to get better, and I want our future children to actually know each other, and like each other, and grow up together. I don’t want to repeat our family’s mistakes. I don’t want us to be frenemies. I want the best possible future for all of us. And I hope you feel the same way.

Here’s to a big, bright, beautiful future.

Love Always,

Amanda


Prompt: Do you have any siblings? For every sibling you have, write one letter to them per day. If you don’t have any siblings, write a letter to your parents about being an only child.

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