At First Sight

If someone were to ask me if I believed in love at first sight when I was little, or maybe even as a teenager, I probably would have said yes. Actually, I can say, without a doubt, that I would have said yes. I grew up watching love happen to people in movies and hearing it on the radio, and it made me think that love was this perfect thing, and that you’d know within the first time of meeting a person if they were The One.

But then I had to grow up, and teach myself to stop fantasizing about anything being one hundred percent perfect.

I spent my entire childhood having a crush on this one guy, and I thought that he was everything I could have ever wanted in a boyfriend. He was smart, and sweet, and funny, and really cute. I never said anything to him about it, because it was obvious that he didn’t feel the same way about me, but I had this idea in my head about how everything was supposed to happen. I thought I was in love at seven years old with a boy who didn’t love me back.

Like…what?

Mind you that that boy isn’t what changed my mind about love at first sight. I still believed in it, even though I pined for him all the way into high school. A part of me had this crazy idea—and I don’t know if it was the movies or the music or my mind that did that to me—but a part of me had always thought, if you met the Love Of Your Life right now, you would realize it. And I walked around middle school, high school, and even college, thinking that.

Isn’t that just insane? A person, floating around, thinking to themselves, the guy sitting three seats behind you could be the guy you spend the rest of your life with. Let me tell you something, that’s a crazy thought to have. That’s a thought a crazy person has. I should have studied my classes more than how people interacted and flirted. I should have kept my mind in the books more than on the boy who sat three seats behind me.

And it’s not even that I was boy crazy. I just didn’t understand how people figured those kinds of things out for themselves. I learned that a lot of it had to deal with chance, and I knew that I didn’t like chances; I prefer certainties. And I knew that I was the reason nobody ever liked me in the way that I liked them, because I’d throw myself into the Friend Zone faster than you can say Friend Zone.

I didn’t know how to be clingy and needy like every other girl seemed to be. As much as the idea of being in a relationship intrigued and tempted me (grass is always greener, right?), it scared the hell out of me. It still does. I don’t even know how to be a good enough friend to always be on-hand, and on the ball with texts and calls, how would I be able to do that in a relationship? You tell me.

But back to the point—I got distracted for a minute there. Sorry about that.

I don’t think love can exist at first sight. Interest, sure…and lust, definitely…but love? There’s no way. You can’t know a person at first sight. You don’t know anything about anyone at first sight. I’ve learned that you can’t truly know every single thing about a person, but I still think that you can’t truly love someone without knowing them as a person.

How does a person love someone at first sight? And I know that this idea invalidates my idea about soul mates, but I think that you have to learn these things on your own. I think you can find someone attractive in the first few minutes you see them, and maybe learn a thing or two from the way they present themselves, but I don’t think you can actually love someone just like that. I think it takes time for love—real love—to present itself.


Prompt: Do you believe in love at first sight?

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