Just Spiritual

I’m not necessarily religious; I’m just spiritual. You know, I’ve felt that way a long time. I was baptized into the Catholic church, I took religion classes for however many years I needed in order to make my communion and confirmation sacraments, and I even go to mass every once in a while. A long while at that, but I still go.

And yet, I can’t say that I’m religious. I never have been. I know a couple of stories from the Bible, I know some hymns, and I know Our Father. But also, I couldn’t recite Hail Mary, one of the most known prayers, to save my life. I can’t get past Hail Mary, Mother of Grace. That’s as far as I can get, because I didn’t pay the best attention in school.

Sidenote: Can I just mention how the last few times I’ve been to church, they’ve changed a few things? It’s actually really annoying how instead of saying “and also with you,” you now say, “and with your spirit”. Like, why? Also, last time I went, there were words added onto the end of Our Father, and I was probably the most confused I’ve ever been in my entire life. I felt like I’ve been lied to.

My relationship with the church is an interesting one. I almost feel like a liar when I go there, because I don’t agree with everything Catholics are supposed to believe in, and I don’t know the words anymore.

I go on my Nanny’s birthday and the anniversary of her death, but I kind of just go because she was a religious woman, and going there makes me feel closer to her. Actually, every time I go to church, whenever that time comes for us to pray, I don’t. Instead, I talk to Nan. And I’ve done that for years.

I don’t know what to pray to, or what to pray for. I just know what I feel, and when I’m in church, I feel like if there’s a time Nan is really listening, it’s when I’m there.

You know, I didn’t realize how many people actually felt a similar way about religion, until I got older. And then it seemed like a whole lot of people say the the same thing that I do. “I’m not religious, I’m just spiritual.” It’s actually pretty insane how many people feel that way.

I’ve briefly mentioned before how I believe that there is a higher power, something beyond what we can visibly see, and reincarnation. I think that our souls are who we truly are, and that our bodies are more like hosts.

I don’t necessarily follow the rules under Christianity, or believe everything the Bible says. That book is so damn old, and has been revised and rewritten too many times for one to count, and has too many restrictions and rules, it’s ridiculous. Anyone who follows every little thing in that book is probably so small minded that they can’t even think for themselves.

What kind of life is that?

I’m not undermining the entire religion I was baptized to believe in. I just can’t be the kind of person who actually believes the more insane thoughts. Like, God supposed to love and accept all, but anyone who likes somebody of the same sex is suddenly an abomination? That’s ludicrous. I don’t know how people live with that kind of contradictory mindset.

I probably sound like a crazy person, against the church. When honestly, I don’t have anything against it. I just think that there are too many rules and beliefs, some contradict others, and that some of them are ridiculously specific. Otherwise, the idea of having something follow and have faith in is very loyal and kind of beautiful.

I also have this weird way of thinking in my head, where even though I’m not a very religious person, I like the idea of making the sacraments that I’ve made, and even the occasional attending of church. Because I’ve made my communion and confirmation, I’ve had the wonderful opportunities to become a sponsor and a godmother to two wonderful girls—and those are two things that I’ve wanted to be for a long time, and am proud to be. And if I hadn’t been baptized, or made those sacraments, I wouldn’t have been able to play those roles.

I think that the way I look at the world and myself and those I love have put me in my position, where I can be just spiritual, but also have some religious beliefs here and there.

I believe in the Higher Power, and reincarnation. I believe in equality for all people and politeness and keeping an open mind and being nice. I definitely believe in karma, and even fate. I believe in taking care of others, and knowing when to step back and take care of yourself. I believe in love, that it comes in different shapes and sizes, that it isn’t meant to be judged or taken for granted. I believe in the power behind yes and no. But, most of all, I believe in myself, and I think that’s the most important belief to have.

Prompt: Are you religious? What beliefs do you follow?

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A twenty-two year old who lives through words and her Netflix account. She makes herself laugh more than others, and she claims that she is okay with that.

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