Eye Contact

Holding eye contact with someone can be scary—especially when you’re shy. I’ve had a problem with looking people in the eyes for a long time, but I’ve been getting better at it. It’s hardly a problem for my anymore, because I’ve practiced by forcing myself to look people right in their corneas.

I didn’t even realize that I had an issue with eye contact until sometime around my middle school/early high school years. I’ve always been meticulous when it came to noticing eye color, but I didn’t have to do that when someone was looking at me. Pictures existed, and I loved to people watch. I still do, but that’s besides the point.

I began to notice that I had this issue with talking to people and holding eye contact when I realized that I usually either spoke to the bridge of other’s noses, or not look at them at all. If someone were to ask, I planned to blame it on a short attention span. Thankfully, no one ever asked.

Not much after I finally noticed this weird little quirk I had, I challenged myself to look people in the eye more. And not just look them in the eye, but hold the contact. Because I learned somewhere that it was important to do so, and it made people more honest and trusting—which I’m a big fan of.

I did this with everyone, and I still do. I still have to challenge myself, because it isn’t as easy as pie for me. I try not to think about how important it is to look people in the eye, I try to focus on the color or the subject we’re talking about, because if I have to focus on remembering why I have to look someone in their eyes, then I start to feel weird about the situation. Also, I lose track of what I want to say, and I know pretty well how fun that isn’t.

I lose track a lot, and I forget words often. I truly suck at the whole talking thing.

How comfortable I am when speaking to people definitely changes, depending on topic. I feel like this is completely normal, because unless you’re a psychopath, you have to feel different about the different topics brought up in conversation.

Eye contact gets harder the deeper the subject, like when you talk about your emotions. When I’m talking to people about how I feel, I can rarely look them in the eye. I’d rather stand next to them, and look at something else, and talk about it.

It feels weird telling people how you feel when your eyes are locked.

I’m not really sure which is harder; looking into someone’s eyes when I’m telling them how I feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling me how they feel. I’ve obviously dealt with both scenarios, but I think I find them equally as awkward. If I had to make a definite choice, I think it might be more difficult when somebody else tells me their feelings; it’s harder for me to control my reactions than what I say. And I’m really in touch with my emotions; if someone were to tell me something I don’t like, I will easily cry, or scrunch my face.

Is that weird?


Prompt: Which is more difficult for you: looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

2 thoughts on “Eye Contact

  1. Your writing is excellent, and you’re obviously highly intelligent — maybe you should get yourself a symptom list for Asperger’s and see whether you match any more of them. Discovering this was a huge self-justifier and enablement in my own life; maybe it will be for you too 🙂

    Like

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