A 20-Something Reject

Have those who played it safe learn to from being rejected? Or do they do so that they never have to know what’s it’s like to feel rejected in the first place? As for me, it’s probably a mixture of both; I try to steer away from even the possibility of feeling rejection as much as possible.

Nobody necessarily likes rejection—unless you get some twisted satisfaction from giving it. And I’m sure there are people out there that like watching others fail; I’m just not one of them.

I don’t like rejecting others just as much as, if not more than, getting rejected myself. It’s a horrible feeling, so why purposefully inflict it on other people? Like I said: you have to be twisted to be into that kind of thing.

Honestly, I feel like I’ve never dealt with actual rejection. I’ve never put my heart on my sleeve to find out whether or not any crushes felt anything towards me—but then again, I was that kind of person that always crushed on guys that were totally out of my league, so that way I never had to deal with actually wondering whether I had a real chance or not with them.

It was easier to idealize guys that were out of my reach, than actually trying to be in a relationship with one. Hm, I wonder if I did that to protect my heart, or because I knew that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.

Maybe both.

I’ve only had small stings of rejection throughout my life, but you have to remember that I’m an emotional little egg: when I feel any emotion, I don’t just feel it and get over it; it hits me like a wrecking ball, and even if I do seem to swing back pretty quickly, it lingers in the corner of my mind. And I’ll go back to it every once in a while, just like a little reminder that it can hit me again, at any time.

Feeling unwanted sucks, and everybody knows it. Some of us bounce back quicker, some of us take a little longer. I feel like those who take a longer time to come back from it come back stronger than those who are quick to jump back on their feet. At least those guys took the time they needed to really think things through.

I don’t know so much about the other guys.

One day, I’ll become strong enough to put myself out there. School had never been a problem for me; I was pretty okay at it, so I wasn’t rejected from any colleges I applied to in the past. I feel like at least one has to have a yes for me.

People are not school. I can study them all I want, and they can still say no. They’re a little tougher to crack. Do you remember that story I told you in one of my earlier posts, called On Top of the World? When I went to see Bullets over Broadway opening night with Megan and Tyler, and tried to get a signature from Zach Braff afterwards?

Well, I took it pretty damn hard when he signed Megan’s playbill and took a picture with her, but walked right past me, to leave the area. It wasn’t even like he looked at or acknowledged me; he just rushed out to leave. It wasn’t because of me, but I still felt that ping that shot through me, an unanswered question that asked, why not me? I was really upset after that for the whole night, and I barely even cared about him! I just thought how cool it would be to say that I met a celebrity.

So I could only imagine what it’s like to get rejected for a date, or even worse…marriage.

I don’t think I would take that very lightly. And I know for a fact that it would be really hard for me to do the rejecting, too. When I was sixteen, a guy that I was friends with asked me to go out with him. I didn’t know how I could tell him no without losing his friendship, so instead, I told him that I’d think about it.

…I still never got back to him on that.

So I don’t even know how I’d react to, nonetheless deal with, real rejection. Probably cry a lot, and eventually get myself back up. I’m not too sure, though.

Prompt: How do you deal with rejection?

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