Right Now

It’s Saturday night, and I’m writing from my mom’s kitchen while Caitlyn and Heinrich watch Rent in the living room. I’m watching them while Mom and Chris are at a freestyle concert with some friends of theirs. I’m typing this out with pretty blue nails, I’ve got a healing ear from a very recent piercing, and I’m still starstruck from having seen Lorde last night. 

I can’t lie; life feels pretty good right now.

I need to tell you something about yesterday—something you’re not going to care about, but something that I thought was pretty funny. So I decided to treat myself to a day completely dedicated to myself; I planned on getting my nails done, getting this piercing that I’ve been thinking a lot about, and picking myself up some lunch…which all was going to lead me up to seeing Lorde.

You could say that yesterday was a pretty damn good day for me, but that’s not what was funny. What was funny was that I planned on getting my nails done black, or something dark. Instead, my eye caught this gorgeous, kind-of-cobalt-blue color with blue and purple sparkles in it. I thought it looked so perfect for this occasion, this early birthday present to myself, this concert that I’ve been looking forward to for months. Maybe I was being melodramatic, but something screamed “GET THIS COLOR” to me.

And while I was admiring the color the nail lady was applying to my talons, a thought crossed my mind: I wonder what the name of this is?

I swear to you that as the thought crossed my mind, my eyes shot over to the white bottle full of polish, and it said one word: starstruck. It was so perfect! Perfect for the night, and perfect for me.

If someone ever asked me to describe myself in five words, starstruck would be one of them. I never know how to act or handle myself around others, especially those I look up to and admire so much, like the girl I planned on seeing last night.

Which, by the way, she was everything I could have asked for and more. Her voice live is exactly how it sounds recorded, except you can see how into it she really is. And oh, she was so into it. You could tell just by her performance how proud of herself she was. And boy, does Lorde have all the energy in the world. I could not have asked for a better performance from her; she was just so humble and quirky and beautiful, and talent oozed out of her for every second that she was on stage. I loved it all. She started with Sober, ended with Green Light, and encored with Team. She even sang my two favorite songs of hers, The Louvre and Supercut. It was perfect, and I was in bliss.

But, much to my dismay, all good things must come to an end. I don’t think I’ll ever forget last night; it was simply magical.

…And the fact that she was less than 50 feet away from me made it that much better.

♦ ♦ ♦

Also, this past week, I’ve been going to my Grandpa’s house every day. My aunts Sue and Peg and my little cousins, were vacationing in Florida, so they asked if I could check in on him every day around dinnertime, and keep track of his blood sugars and food intake (information for his doctors; they’re not that crazy). So I’ve been going, and honestly, I’ve been really into it.

It’s funny, because most people that know me and not my background would think that I only knew my grandmothers. I never got to meet my dad’s dad, and I’ve never been super close to my mom’s dad. Long story short, he’s not the most open man around.

But this past week with him has been really nice; I’ve had the chance to learn things about him (and my Nan) that I never knew, and that was cool. I liked learning about his days as a cop, the time he served in the army, and his childhood with my grandma. I truly enjoyed having this time together, and I hope that it made our relationship a little better—even if it was just for a week. Tomorrow’s my last day, so it’ll be a bittersweet thing.

I think it’s made me want to set a day to going there after work every week, but if you follow me on here, you know how well I do with keeping up. (For those who don’t, I’m not very good.)

♦ ♦ ♦

I do want to write more. I know that my last post insinuated…or flat out stated…that I would be doing that more often, that I would try my hardest to do my prompts. Clearly, I haven’t been doing just that, but I really do want to write more. I feel like my home just doesn’t help my creative juices run as smoothly as I’d like it to. Maybe I’ll have to start going to the library, or find somewhere that will. I’m always up for suggestions.

I haven’t been going to the gym, either—which is horrible, really. I need to get back into that groove.

Actually, even though I feel like life is pretty good, I haven’t been very good to it. I haven’t been the greatest friend lately, which is something that I continue to struggle with being (which is actually really sad, when you think about it). I think I’m just getting fed up with talking about the same things and doing absolutely nothing about them. (Note: It’s super annoying!)

I’m almost 23 now, and I said in my last post that I want to cleanse myself from the people in my life who don’t give me positive energy, and I mean that. Unless I feel that attached enough to hold on, why should I?

And yes, I know that sounds kind of horrible, but I mean I can’t always be a pushover who doesn’t do anything about things they don’t like. I’ve learned to speak my mind a little more, so what’s wrong with pushing away those that only really bothered with me when it was so that they could use me as their therapist? Just because I wanted to be one at one point does not mean that I wanted that to just be that.

But I don’t need to justify myself. I just need to focus on making my life more positive: internally and externally. Feelings might get hurt, but you know what? Sometimes we just have to take care of ourselves.

It won’t always be like this—me being selfish—but I have to do this now; while I’m young, and don’t really have anything under my belt. You know, besides twenty-something thousand dollars of student debt.

♦ ♦ ♦

Right now, I am typing away, listening to my little brother and sister watch Pocahontas. I think I should join them, and enjoy the rest of my night, before I need to go home and go to bed.

I’m sorry for such a late post. I will try to post again soon.

Sweet dreams, lovers.


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A twenty-two year old who lives through words and her Netflix account. She makes herself laugh more than others, and she claims that she is okay with that.

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