Just A Dreamer

I wish I was a real artist; I suck at putting things in a way that stirs heavy emotions in people. I’ve tried time and time again, but what comes out of me is complete gumbo.

I’ve come to the realization that I am much better at working with numbers.

I don’t live my life the way artists do; those guys love with every ounce of their minds, bodies, and souls.

They live with gusto.

Those guys don’t imagine things up, write about them, and edit until they make sense—they record history, their lives, and then write about them in a way that takes your breath away.

In a way that makes you laugh / cry / feel strong, raw emotions, as if you lived it yourself.

That’s true artistry.

As for me, I’m no artist. What I am is a poser.

I’m a dreamer who wishes she had the talent Those Other Guys have.

You would learn to find that I’ve read most books in the Young Adult section in my local library, I’ve watched many movies and television shows many times over, and I’ve attempted to find my talents in creating something of my own…with no such luck.

I wanted to create something of my own, and instead of doing just that, I studied all these pieces of art. I called myself an artist—and yet I hadn’t done anything to earn or claim that title.

I think I’m just in denial about how my life is supposed to turn out: routine, middle class, vanilla.

I never wanted to fall under that category, thinking how that kind of life was not worthy of my time. And yet, here I am, living that exact life that I dread so much.

Like a true human being, I feel entitled to a good, exciting life…but I’ve done nothing to make it that way. All I’ve done was follow the rules, keep my head down, and my mouth shut. I wanted to get through life unnoticed, without starting problems or making a scene.

I wonder if I’ve set myself up for disaster.

Maybe being a dreamer isn’t always the greatest idea. A dreamer with drive is one thing…but a dreamer who just wants to glide through life without their head held high or the willingness to do whatever it takes? What’s that going to do?

Nothing.

The dreamer will remain a dreamer, forever living a vanilla life.


Prompt: Reveal something that makes you feel unsure about yourself.

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